Surgery Moved

Matthew's surgery was scheduled to start at 1:00pm today.  At 12:50 his nurse received a phone call that another emergency surgery came up and Matthew's would be delayed.  We were thankful that Matthew is stable and not needing emergency surgery, so we rolled with it and embraced the extra time to hang out with him.  A little after 3:00 his nurse called to find out when he would be going back and we learned that it wasn't going to happen today.  While it is SO frustrating to be mentally ready to send him back for this major surgery, we have to believe that everything happens for a reason.

Matthew's surgery is now scheduled for 7:30am tomorrow.  He is the first one on the calendar, so his surgeon should be fresh and ready to give Matthew his full attention.  We are so anxious to have this one major item checked off the list and be on the road to recovery.

The plus side of the delay is that his nurse felt so bad for us that she let me hold him for an hour and a half skin-to-skin.  It takes a lot of effort to move him out of his little nest, including several nurses, so it is not something they offer up frequently.  It felt so wonderful to have him in my arms!  He was pretty happy to be there too.  He slept the entire time and all of his vitals indicated that he was 100% content.  So while J.P. and I felt a bit of frustration at having surgery moved, I think Matthew was perfectly happy with the way the day turned out.

In other news, I will be discharged from the hospital tomorrow.  I am usually so anxious to get out of the hospital and get home, but it has been so nice to be so close to Matthew, and I know leaving him here is going to be so hard.

Please keep Matthew and all of his doctors and nurses in your prayers tomorrow!

Surgery Scheduled

Matthew will have surgery tomorrow afternoon to repair his diaphragmatic hernia.  It will be a long day, but it will be one major item checked off the to-do list to get Matthew home!

I was able to hold Matthew last night for the first time!  It took three nurses to get him into my arms, but I got to stare at him for an entire hour.  He was still all bundled up in his "nest" to keep him comfortable and to keep all of his cords and wires in order.  It was heaven to have him in my arms and to study all of his little features.  He has the sweetest little nose you have ever seen, teeny tiny eyelashes, and super long and skinny fingernails.

Today has been a fairly quiet and restful day for the three of us, which we all needed!  Please keep Baby Matthew in your prayers that his surgery goes smoothly and he has a relatively easy recovery.

Welcome Baby Matthew!

After a very long and slow labor, Matthew arrived on May 9 at 3:12am.  He came out and gave a couple of big cries, which was music to our ears.  They immediately took him into the adjoining room and got him put on a ventilator and assessed him.  J.P. was able to go with Matthew and come back and tell me what was going on.  While it definitely wasn't my ideal birth scenario, it was exactly what was expected for Matthew and there were no major surprises.  All of the doctors and nurses were wonderful and made sure that he got here safe and sound.

After about 2 hours of getting him stable and all taken care of they brought his little bed over to mine and I finally got to meet Matthew!  It was both one of the happiest and one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life.  To see him and know that he is here and safe was so wonderful.  But to know that I couldn't hold him and could only stroke his little cheek was so hard.  He only got to stay with me for a couple of minutes, but I am so grateful that I got to see him before he was whisked away.

J.P. and I were both deliriously tired by that time, but were both able to get a little power nap in before the sun officially came up today.  It is amazing how a good hour of sleep can feel when you have been up for nearly 24 hours!  We were both so anxious to get over to the NICU and check on Matthew this morning.

J.P.'s parents, along with our four boys, all came to meet Matthew before heading back to Tulsa today.  We weren't sure if he would be stable enough for his brothers to meet him this trip, but Matthew did everything he needed to do so he could meet his brothers!  This moment, right here, is one of the major reasons we chose Children's Mercy.  These boys have made so many sacrifices for Matthew already, and to see them all together makes it all worth it.  A huge shoutout to the NICU staff for letting us break the rules, just this once, so they could all meet him together!  A.J. was not a big fan of the NICU, so he hung back with Gram and Pops, but he did get to meet Matthew and blow him some kisses.

Today has been a day full of pokes and prods and tests for Matthew.  He had an echocardiogram this morning to check on his heart.  While we have not heard from the cardiologist yet, all the other people around said everything looked very good from their point of view.  If we get the all-clear on heart issues, this would be a huge victory for Matthew's prognosis.  He then had a CT Scan to verify the diagnosis of Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH).  Without going into too much detail, there was a possibility of it being an eventration of the diaphragm which would be a separate treatment plan.  However, the CT Scan shows that is is most likely a hernia, or hole in his diaphragm.  This means Matthew will have surgery very soon- hopefully later this week.

We had a wonderful meeting with the neonatologist, Dr. Petrikin.  He is from Tulsa, and J.P. has known his family for years through church and school.  What a small world!?  He went over everything with us from how he is doing right now to what we can expect in the weeks to come.  He is overly impressed with how well Matthew is doing, and has a very optimistic outlook on Matthew's prognosis.  Matthew is defying all the odds for CDH babies.  We were so afraid that having Down syndrome along with CDH might cause conflicts, but so far everything is going better than anyone could have expected.

We are so thankful for how well Matthew is doing at this point in time, but we know a long road lies ahead.  We could feel all of the love and prayers coming our way, so please keep them coming in the days ahead.

He's Here!

Matthew Brennan Szafranski was born at 3:12am, weighing 6 pounds 4 ounces and 19 inches long.  He is doing well and is being cared for by some amazing doctors and nurses.  We will update more after we get a little bit of sleep!

Final Sneak Peek

The countdown to baby is on!  Six more days at the very most.   I am scheduled to go in on Monday at 7am to be induced, if he doesn't decide to make his appearance on his own before then.  I thought I would be more nervous, but I am mostly excited to finally meet him!  I am sure there will be a rollercoaster of emotions over the next week, but as of now I am in a good place.  I am optimistic about his health and very confident that we are in the right place for him.

I had my last doctor's appointment today, and got my final peek at Baby Matthew.  He passed his biophysical profile again in record time.  The ultrasound tech even said she had a decent view of his right lung (which is the side that is of concern).  He loves to have his hands up by his face, so it is hard to get a good picture.  We got a tiny glimpse of a grin today, and I can't wait to see it in real life!

ALL of my boys came up to Kansas City last weekend to see us!  A.J. was SO happy to see his brothers.  It rained the entire time they were here!  We were supposed to go to a Royals game on Saturday evening, but it got rained out.  We are hopeful that we can make another game before our time in KC is up, and who knows, maybe Matthew can log his first baseball stadium sometime this summer.
Over the next six days I plan to soak up all the A.J. snuggles I can get, and spend a fun weekend with my other boys.  We appreciate all of the prayers, meals, carpools, texts, gift cards and support.  I really can't explain how much love we have felt from near and far.  We feel so blessed to bring Matthew into this world surrounded by so many people we know will love and support him and our entire family.

First Week in Kansas City

Packing up my bags, hugging my three big boys goodbye and driving away from our house was, without a doubt, one of the hardest things I have ever done. But I survived, and we have been in Kansas City for a week now.   

A.J. and I came up the day after Easter, and my wonderful Mom came along with us to help me get all settled in.  Moving into a house we had never seen in person caused a little bit of anxiety, but the house exceeded our expectations.  The house is so cute from the outside, and in such a charming neighborhood with tree-lined streets.  It will be a little tight when all of the boys are here (ok, a lot tight) but is the perfect size for two people.  My sister still has a crib that her boys have outgrown, which worked out perfectly for A.J.!  Within a day of being here he seemed to adjust and calls the house "Addy's house!"  (We call him Addy because his first name is Adam)  He knows where everything goes and how it all works here.  I am a bit embarrassed to say, we might be more settled in this house than we are in our Tulsa house.

I had my first regular doctor's appointment here last week.  I will see the same doctor from here until delivery, which will be nice.  Matthew had been breech, but finally turned head down.  One less thing for us to stress about.  I have an ultrasound every week where they check growth, blood flow through his umbilical cord, movement and practice breathing.  He passed the test with flying colors last week.  He is a little bit shy and almost always hides his face during ultrasounds.  I hope this doesn't continue once he is born- his Momma takes lots and lots of pictures!

My sister lives about ten minutes away, and it has been SO wonderful to spend so much time with her.  She has two little boys, so it has been good for A.J. to have them to play with and keep him busy.  If you can't have brothers around, cousins are definitely the next best thing. This situation would be so much harder without her to keep me company and make me feel at home in a place that is so new to me.

J.P., Luke and Ben played hooky on Friday and came to be with us!  Jack had a baseball tournament, so he stayed in Tulsa with one of his best friends.  We missed having him here so much, but feel so grateful to have such amazing friends in Tulsa who offered to keep him for the weekend.  Luke and Ben were excited to check out the new house, and Ben immediately checked every nook and cranny and made himself and his legos right at home.  Our house is a block from one of Kansas City's most famous BBQ joints, so we walked there for dinner on Friday.  Luke even taught A.J. how to say Barbecue, so I guess he is really becoming a Kansas Citian.  Saturday was a gorgeous but chilly day here.  We took the boys to a park to get some energy out and A.J. was in heaven!  He did the slides about 100 times, and would have kept going until he passed out if we would have let him.  He had SO much fun running and playing with his brothers.  We walked to the other restaurant that is just a block away for dinner on Saturday.  It is a little taco place with a wonderful patio and great food.  It felt a little bit like we were on vacation, walking to dinner and eating outside.  The only thing missing for me was a fun drink with an umbrella in it- that will have to wait a couple weeks.  Having them here was so wonderful, but having them leave was heartbreaking all over again. I tried to talk Matthew into coming early just so they wouldn't have to go, but he didn't cooperate.

As many ups and downs as there have been over the last couple weeks, I do feel relieved to be here.  We are in the right place and doing the very best for Matthew.  As my sister pointed out, I am getting to have a little Babymoon with A.J.!  It has been fun to have so much quality time with him!

Knowing that we will be home, all together as a family of seven, is what is getting me through all of this.  Not knowing when that will be is hard, but I am trying to be optimistic that is will be sooner rather than later.  Two weeks from today, at the very latest, he will be brought into the world and we will know more about what the next steps will be.  Part of me is in a hurry to get this show on the road. Another little part of me knows that he is safe and happy inside, so I shouldn't be in such a hurry.  Like all babies, he will come when the time is right.  In the meantime we will try to make the most out of this situation.  I can't wait to hug ALL of my boys this Friday and have a fun weekend together as a family of 6!

The Calm Before the Storm

The past couple weeks I have been trying my very best to enjoy the calm before the storm.  Knowing that our whole world is about to get turned upside down can be extremely overwhelming, so I have developed a couple of different coping mechanisms.  One is to ignore it all.  While this isn’t a good long-term plan, it has helped me to stay a little bit sane by focusing on the here and now and trying not to worry about what lies ahead.  I have also found this to be a helpful coping mechanism for national politics the last couple months.  The other way I am keeping my cool is by trying to enjoy the everyday ordinary chaos of our “normal” life.  I am trying to be with the boys as much as possible, go to as many baseball games as I can and be here almost every night to put A.J. to bed.  Last year, and in 2014, I challenged myself to a picture-a-day project in hopes that I could capture and soak up those tiny fleeting moments.  The past couple weeks have had the same goal, except I haven’t picked up my camera very often. Well... maybe a few times.  

Since I posted last, I have been to Kansas City again and had multiple doctor visits in Tulsa as well.  The Kansas City visit was short and productive.  We met with the perinatologist, neonatologist, genetic counselor and social worker.  Everything with Matthew looked the same, which is good news.  He had been measuring very small, but has been catching up the last couple weeks.  As of today, he was in the 25^th percentile, which is about as big as any Szafranski boy has ever been.  We make skinny little babies with big heads, and Matthew appears to be following his brothers’ lead. 

We have been working hard to get all the logistics worked out- which is not an easy task.  We found a cute little furnished house to rent on Airbnb.  It will be perfect for us while we are there.  It is located half-way between my sister and the hospital- 10 minutes either direction.  Housing had been a major point of stress for J.P. and I both.  It is going to be a stressful and exhausting time, so it was important to both of us to have a place that felt a bit like home to come back to and recharge.  I will also have A.J. there with me until Matthew is born, so having a place he can run around and feel at home was important too. 

We have a scheduled induction date of May 8 if he hasn’t come on his own.  If that’s the case, he will get to share a birthday with his Uncle Will!  Until then, I will continue to see the doctor every week to make sure he keeps growing and that nothing changes.  The five week countdown is on. 

We have been truly overwhelmed with all of the love and support over the last month.  As I said to a friend yesterday, the phrase “It takes a village” has never been more true.  We appreciate all of the prayers, well wishes and offers of help. There are a few ways to help being organized, and I will pass those along in the future.  For now, just keep baby Matthew in your prayers.